It’s Big, It’s Heavy, Get Used To It

Okay, so my friend Joe has a challenge. He’s STRAIGHT, but he lives at the intersection of GAY & MORE GAY (a.k.a. Castro and 18th, S.F.). AND he lives above a gay erotica store that always has a sign announcing, “We Buy Gay Stuff”. I’m always wondering where the “gay stuff” line is drawn with them. Just bondage gear and dvd’s? Antiques? Eyelash glue? Opened bottles of weight-lifting supplements? Joan Rivers bootlegs? Todd Oldham craft magazine articles? Candles? Louis XIV chairs? Good recipes? Awesome party ideas? An excellently-written thank you note? I mean, where are the parameters? There are femme gays and butch gays and bear gays and druggie gays and intellectual gays and like normal-whatever neighbor gays, so what counts? I just want to understand.

ANYWAY. My straight dude pal Joe has lived in his apartment for 15 years. If you know anything about the way rents are going here, you know that he CANNOT walk away from a HUGE 2 bedroom in a Victorian that is centrally located for $1800. That is like, EPIC.

But his ex-housemates painted waaaaay back in the early 90’s, and they were uh…like Burning Man people with a penchant for living in a crappy version of video for “Groove Is In The Heart”. I mean that in the worst way possible. Of course, I cannot rest until this situation is mitigated.

Here are the before’s for the front room:
photo 4

photo 1

photo 2

photo 3

And here’s the look we’re going for:

Afters to come, but it’s been painted and progress has been made.

So I wanted to find some tree stumps to save on budget and make some side and coffee tables. Jack and I drove on Saturday to Pacifica to buy fireworks, and next to the fireworks stand was a guy with a chainsaw cutting up beautiful cedar logs for kindling. I asked him if I could take a few sections and Jack hefted two pieces into the back of our car, and then I had Jack take them to Joe’s house.

The difficult part was that Saturday was also the beginning of Gay Pride, and Joe lives at the epicenter of the Castro.

Joe saw the larger of the stumps and the three flights of Victorian stairs that lead up to his apartment and said to Jack, “Your wife is crazy,” and Jack said, “Yeah, I know”. So they got one stump up into the apartment and had to leave the other stump on the sidewalk.

A few hours later, I get a text from Joe showing the stump being used as a cocktail table after the Dykes On Bikes Parade.


















I was kind of hoping that it would stay there and become a neighborhood fixture and that people would protest when the city tried to remove it, but by yesterday morning it was gone like a fleeting rainbow.

Anyway, that was my contribution to freedom.

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2 Responses to It’s Big, It’s Heavy, Get Used To It

  1. Jack says:

    Visionary, crazy, something like that.

  2. laurenfmuir says:

    That looks like a pretty comfy cocktail table. Can’t wait to see the after pics!

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