I know that sometimes you have nightmares. It’s both terrible and normal. I’m here for you. If you scream and wake me up, over three times in the course of a night, it’s okay. You’re a kid. I’m your mom. That’s my job.
I just have one tiny request.
If you have the same nightmare over and over about something, can you try to make it scarier than an ant biting you?
There are some very nasty ants out there; army ants, fire ants, maybe some kind of Amazonian flesh disintegrating ant that also lays its eggs underneath ones eyelids or something. But you know nothing of these ants. You have only seen the meekest and tiniest of San Francisco ants. None of them has ever even tried to bite you. I mean, I KNOW that your nightmares don’t have to make sense or anything, but it would just help my psyche out a little at 3:30 a.m. if I knew we were battling a dragon, or a monster, or a giant scorpion, or hordes of Justin Beiber fans.
The thing is, not being able to sufficiently quash one imaginary ant really gets to my self esteem. No ant has ever made me this exhausted.
If I had battled an arachnid-scary-clown hybrid, I would expect to be tired. But lack of success with an ant just makes me want to cry.
I appreciate your cooperation in this matter.