A Day at the Beach & The Postmodernity of the Vietnamese Nail Salon

ichat discussion from yesterday (edited for clarity/privacy with expletives deleted):

AIM IM with jrmat

what a day
2:07 PM
how was that
well
went to whole foods
got out stroller
put kids in stroller
got beach friendly lunch and liquids
drove to beach
kept kids in car locked while I peed in digusting beach bathroom as could not figure out how to pee and not let them touch anything
took two trips eye distance away from car to put crap on beach
got kids out of car and down to beach
set up tent
staked down tent
set up chair
fed kids lunch
picked sand out of mouths
heh
santized hands when Violet brought hard dog sh** over to her rock pile
hahah oh gross
stupidly brought lady bug kite
ohno
Violet yelled and yelled to do it by herself
Kite snaps off
let me guess
heh

Hazie goes to chase it
Violet runs the other way towards the ocean to “surf”
running like crazy
oh jesus
get them both back to tent
changing Hazel’s poopy diaper, meanwhile
Violet approaching grody guys to ask them for snacks as I am yelling at her not too and wiping Hazel’s butt
Grody guy gives Violet and Inca Cola
Inka
whatever
oh god
she screams that I won’t let her have a whole disgusting Mexican soda from a stranger
I have to pee
can’t face locking the kids in the car again
can’t bring them it as it is disgusting
must hold it for hours
kids start throwing sand
both get sand in eyes
both scream
wind picks up
tears up the stakes of the tent
tent collapses around us
I desperately try to get everything put back
sheesh
put kids in car
lock them in
take two trips back to car with all the stuff
pee
drive back
lock screaming children in room at home while I empty out car, cooler, etc
Children tear apart newly cleaned room
sprinkle milk all over carpet
I have to go downstairs to talk to Arielly who is still cleaning our fridge
come back
Violet has taken all clothes out of Hazie’s dresser
sprinkled milk all over them
is laying inside the drawer
Hazie has climbed on top of diaper hamper and is standing on top of changing table
I am going f****** nuts
and am exhausted from not sleeping last night
How’s your day going?
it’s pretty crazy
I’m sorry for that hon
ugh
everything is SO HARD!!!!!!!
OK hon, we will talk tonight
Ok
Love you

Wish it had gotten better from there on out. It didn’t. I’ll spare you the details, but there was a lot of feces involved.

Sigh.

Ran around like crazy today doing errands before we head up to Tahoe this weekend for vacation. I did have time to stop in at my neighborhood nail salon for a little R & R, grooming and postmodern experience.

On radio is, again, sub-par synth with non-English speakers who, today, do covers of “Take My Breath Away (Theme Song to Top Gun”, “I Just Called to Say I Love You”, and “Against All Odds (Take a Look at Me Now)”. Typical.

Then someone in back turned on what I thought was run-of-the-mill New Age music, but really turned out to be Vietnamese-sourced- English-versed cult music.

Imagine a synth sitar. Imagine synth bells. Hear heavily accented voices sing the phrase,

“All praise the holy, the holy goddess of ecstasy”.

Hear repeat of the above phrase 80 times. Then hear it repeat 80 more times with voices repeating same phrase while overlapping another singer who is singing the same phrase.

Hear heavily accented voices sing,

“Love your loving lover, loved and peace.” (More of a conjugational list than a lyric if you ask me.)

Hear repeat of the above phrase 80 times. Then hear it repeat 80 more times with voices repeating same phrase while overlapping another singer who is singing the same phrase.

There was another part, but it was too weird/heavily accented to understand/remember.

It was a VERY LONG SONG.

But then immediately following, are THE ORIGINAL RECORDINGS of Journey’s “Who’s Cryin’ Now” and Hall & Oates’ “Say it isn’t So.”

You just CANNOT EFF AROUND WITH SOME THINGS. I guess.

Thought.

I think that the MOMA should curate a show featuring nail salon fingernail poster art entitled “Nails: A Galaxy of Alternate Physics”.

Picture this. There is a blue background. Red and green laser lights shoot across the background creating geometric forms. Two disembodied hands with impossibly long grizzy-bear nails are able to hold up two bunches of cartoon cherries which seemingly float from the tips of the nails.

Picture this. Wide purple paint brush strokes make up the background. Impossibly long nails (encrusted with the seemingly dead and shellacked carcasses of butterflies) are spread over a woman’s face in a sort of “Voguing” pose. Woman’s downcast, impossibly long eyelashes overlap with red, green and yellow make-up on the cheek, on top of which is a pink, purple and red cartoon butterfly that has used the striped cheek as a landing pad.

I would totally go see that show.

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3 Responses to A Day at the Beach & The Postmodernity of the Vietnamese Nail Salon

  1. Auntie G says:

    “Nails: A Galaxy of Alternate Physics”…an idea who’s time has not only come, but an idea that gave me such pleasure this morning win I read it, that I almost shot my first gulp of morning coffee out of my nose. YOU can make this happen. I’m sure Loreen would know an exquisite few sets of interesting hands to include in the show. Remember her friend “Shannon”? That seems like a great fit for this project. Too funny.

  2. Auntie G says:

    *when I read it–not win…although reading it was a WIN!

  3. LaLA says:

    That does not sound like a day at the beach.

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